||[Aug. 4th, 2005|11:29 pm]
I just binged so bad, while sitting here typing happily away on msn. I had to purge, I told Sam. She gets it. She's done the same tonight, she was crying earlier. I cant cry about it. Not now anyway. I have a horrible need to cut right now, nice and deeply into my fat leg. I want it to hurt really bad. I want to punish myself. I bashed my head against the bathroom walls but it didnt hurt as much as I'd hoped. I've put on weight. I can feel it growing and spreading like a desease. Fatness is a desease. A horrible one. I want to cut myself open and pull out the fat. I just dont have anything sharp enough. I think I'll go look.